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I've got some kind of nasty Trojan, but every time I try to run my Anti-Virus solution, it says that it can't delete it. How can I clean these things off my computer? I can't even use it... HELP!

Hello Crackerjack, and Welcome to PDX PCFixer Forums!
Generally, Anti -Virus programs won't be able to 'clean' programs that are in use. Because I virus is a program, we have to stop it from running when we start the computer. The best way to clean these viruses is to restart the computer in Safe Mode, and then run the Anti -Virus scan. To do this, tap the F8 key while the computer is booting up, and choose 'Start in Safe Mode'. Then, try running your scan.
Hope this helps,